Just when I thought I was ok......

  So tonight has been a bit of a struggle for me, Lamar is out of town until tomorrow and the last few times he's been gone I've been totally fine with staying by myself. Unfortunately tonight is a struggle and I'm not sure why. I thought I was over this whole thing but apparently not, it's not only frustrating for me but it's frustrating for Lamar. Mainly because it makes it difficult for Lamar when he does leave. I have all this anxiety right now and I just want to be done with it, I want to be done with this whole thing. When Lamar asks what he can do to help, I want to just tell him to find another job, obviously that can't happen. So I guess I need to put my big girl pants on and deal with this head on. I was talking to Lamar earlier tonight about how I was feeling and he told me he would pray for me, so he called back about 20 min. later to see how I was doing and he told me that as he was praying he felt like God showed him 2 things. One was that God has a plan for our future and basically He's not going to let anything happen to me, He's here to protect me. That definitely made me feel so much better and the other thing was that maybe I need to blog about this, so here I am blogging about freaking out by staying by myself.......again. I just want these feelings to be gone, I don't want them to come back. All I'm asking is to have the anxiety gone and feel safe staying by myself. I know I'm going to have to continue praying through this to get where I want to be. So that's what I'll do, I'll keep praying and face this head on. I'm not going to let this beat me!!!!!!