2 months down :)

  Well it's been 2 months since I started my quest to blog every day for a year and so far I've been able to do it. Some posts have been good and well, some have been really lame but hey I can't have something fabulous to post everyday although it would be pretty great if I did ;) So I guess that means I have 10 months left, wow I wonder what I'll be blogging about in 10 months. I don't think I can think that far ahead, well I can I just don't want to.
  Today we had someone come and look at the house and I was pretty excited about it but now I have this feeling that nothing is going to come out of it. I had a really good feeling all day today and for some reason now I don't have such a good feeling, maybe it's because they were only here for about 20 min. or it could of course be satan trying to sneak his way in and discourage me. I just get tired of trying to keep the house somewhat clean and pack and trying to keep my sanity and sometimes, it just doesn't work. As I was cleaning this morning I had to have a little pep talk to myself because I was starting to have a freak out moment, it's just difficult trying to keep everything in order and prepare to move to another town. Oh well, I know it'll all work out, right now I'm just in the middle of all the craziness and it doesn't seem like it's going to end but I know we'll be over there soon enough and all the craziness will be gone, well maybe it will be anyway ;)

  Today we went to Champaign to church because they did the final send off weekend for Ben & Tina. Ben did his final sermon and then he introduced to Peoria team, I think it was good for everyone to "meet" all the team members that we have so far, although we did miss Adam and Mandie. I have to say too that I definitely missed my Sullivan church family, we've only been to Champaign 2 times since we started going to Sullivan and I love the small, intimate setting of Sullivan. I feel like I missed out on something today but I guess I need to get used to it since we only have 3 Sundays left in Sullivan and we won't be able to come back every Sunday.
   The closer we get to moving the more excited I get, which is definitely a good thing. I know God has some amazing things in store for us and I'm so excited to see what they'll be. God has come through for us in every single way with this move, which is awesome, but we're still waiting on one more door to open and that's to sell our house. We have a showing tomorrow afternoon and I'm trying to not get to excited about it but it's really hard not too. We're starting to get a bit more action which is very exciting but I'm just ready for it to sell. I told Lamar tonight that I'm tired of spending hours cleaning the house and then having to take the kids and go hang out somewhere so someone can look at the house and then not have any offers. But I truly believe that God will open this door for us just like He's opened every other door in this whole process. Well hopefully I will have some great news on the house in a few days, if you think about just say a little prayer that the showing goes well and we'll get this house sold.

No More Negativity!

   So I just need to vent for a bit so please bear with me. Today I was at work and one of my co-workers was asking if we've sold the house, if we've had any bites on it, etc...I told her that things are starting to pick up. Well she proceeded to tell me that if someone makes an offer that they are going to try low-ball us, blah blah blah, and she was just being completely negative about the whole thing. I honestly just wanted to scream, it's like, can't you try and say something positive do you always have to be negative about everything. It just amazes me how some people can't even be happy for you, especially when you're doing something that God is asking you to do. Honestly, I just don't get it. Oh well, I just have to say that that's reason #86 why I'm so happy to be done working at Yoder's and to be moving out of this town. Sorry negative people just make me so angry.

Confirmation

So today we went to Peoria to finalize some things before we move, insurance, bank, school, etc..and we had a pretty great day. We did a final walk-through with the house and I have to say that if I had any doubts before moving I don't after today. I just felt some confirmation after we went through everything and it was such a good feeling. I'm starting to more and more excited about moving, I'm just not excited about the packing part;) So all in all it was a good day and I'm definitely excited to be moving.

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  Well I'm stumped as to what to blog about so this is what you get tonight. Enjoy!!!! :)

  Well throughout this journey I've found out a lot of things about myself, some things were good and some things were bad. And yes, today I found out one more thing about myself, I feel like part of me can't be truly happy that we're moving and I'm not sure why. Don't get me wrong, I'm super sad to be moving but I'm also really excited about this adventure that we're about to step into and for some reason, I feel like I just can't truly be happy. And I know that it's Satan trying to come in and mess everything up and it is so frustrating that he pulls crap like this, and I know I should be used to it by now because when we step out and do something that God has asked us to do then he's going to try and screw it up. I hate that I let satan get to me like that, he's such a sneaky little thing and I just want to punch him in the face. Ok I'm done now ;) So from now on, I am going to try my hardest to enjoy every moment I have before we move instead of thinking this is the last time I'll be going here or there or doing this or that. I know this is so lame but one of the things I'm most excited about moving is the fact that we can call out for pizza, chinese, or whatever and someone will deliever it. I know it's so lame but that's what happens when you grow up in a small town like Arthur, you get excited that there are actually restaurants that deliever food ;)

Enough with the emotions.

   Today as I was doing my devotions I realized that I'm dealing with a lot of fear right now. And it's pretty frustrating because I've tried and tried to pray it out of me but it just doesn't seem to work. I've cried out to God and sometimes it doesn't even seem like He's there, even though I know He really is. I know that this is a season of change and it's really hard for me to deal with the much change but honestly, I just want to say to myself to put my big girl panties on and suck it up. I am so tired of dealing with all these emotions I just want to be emotionless(if that's a word) for a while. I never know which Tanya I'm going to get that day, sometimes I'm super happy, other times I'm a ball full of tears, and sometimes I'm just completely numb/sober. Aaaaaggggghhhhh enough of these emotions already, sometimes I hate being a girl. Well all I can say is that I'm so glad that I have some pretty great friends that I can call/text/email anytime I just need some extra prayer.....so thanks ladies you all rock :)

  Yesterday I was talking to Lamar about this whole moving process and how smooth everything has been and I told him that sometimes I feel like I'm just waiting for the ball to drop. Like there's going to be a huge hiccup in our plans that we haven't come across yet. Later on I was thinking about this more and I thought to myself, why is it when everything is going so smoothly that we expect something bad to happen? I mean, God has asked us to step out and do this so shouldn't everything go smoothly? Shouldn't every door be opened at the perfect time? Why do we expect something bad to happen? Can't we just enjoy the fact that pretty much everything has gone so smooth? I guess we as humans don't expect anything to happen just perfect because life isn't perfect so why when God asks us to do something should we expect it to be perfect? Sorry for all the questions, that's just how my mind was working ;) I don't want to wait for something to happen that would throw a wrench into our plans because honestly, they really aren't our plans they're God's plans. I understand that bad things happen and sometimes things just don't go according to plan but like I said, I don't want to expect anything to happen. I want to enjoy the fact that when we made this decision Lamar didn't have to go out and search for another job, we didn't have to look for months for a house and when we put an offer on the house they accepted it. I know that I've had doubts here and there about us moving but everytime I pray and talk to God about it, He says to me, "How can you have any doubts look at everything that I've done for you and look at all the doors that have been opened for you." And it's true, all the doors have been opened in perfect timing and now all we need is one more door to be opened, and that's to sell our house. Not that we don't have to option to rent it out because we do but neither of us really want to mess with all that, but I truly believe that God will come through for us and we'll sell the house before we move.

Figuring Our Our Faults

  I really hate when you realize negative things about yourself, I mean you want to see youself as being free of faults and unfortunately we're not perfect so we all have faults and sometimes it just sucks when you figure out what they are. But if you're willing to work on them and try to fix it then it's all good. So today I was talking to a good friend of mine and I realized that I talk over people all the time or they are telling me something about a certain situation and I have to jump right in and say "Well when I was......" Seriously it's not all about me, as much as I want it to be(haha just kidding) it's really not. I have so many friends that have sat down with me and listened to me go on and on about myself and didn't jump in with their own advice about how they dealt with that same situation, and yet I do it all the time. I know that I've always struggled with listening and giving advice but now it's seems like it's been brought to my attention in a more powerful light and as frustrating as it is to know your faults, it's always good to know what they are so you can try and fix them. So I will begin my journey to try and fix my faults and yes, that could take an extremly long time but at least I'm willing to admit my faults and try and fix them, that counts for something right?;) By the way, I am giving all my friends permission to tell me to stop talking about myself if I've gone over the appropriate time limit :)

So in going to go ahead and say that this post is going to be pretty lame. Mostly because today was a busy, busy day and I didn't have a chance to sit down and think about what to blog about and also because I just realized that I have to blog everyday, It's one of my goals for the year and I don't want to let a day get by without posting. I really don't have to much to say except that 5 weeks from now we will be moved into our new house. Now will we be unpacked, nope probably not but at least our boxes will be in the house. Anyway, so sorry peeps for my lame post bit I'm hoping for a better one tomorrow.

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Crazy God Moments

  Yesterday I was going through some of my old posts that I had written and I came across the one about 60 days. And if you haven't read it it's about how I wish sometimes you could jump 60 days ahead to know what's going to happen or where you're going to be. Well anyway as I was looking at the date that it was posted (Jan.9)  I realized that when we sign the papers for our new house it will be 61 days since that post. How crazy is that???? I love when I notice little things like that and it just reminds me that God really is working. On Jan. 9th we hadn't even been to Peoria/Morton to look for houses and I wasn't expecting to find "our" house the first time we were seriously looking. Now don't get me wrong I would love to know God's plan before it actually happens because well, waiting isn't really my thing but I'm slowly learning to be more patient. The only thing I'm getting impatient about right now is that our house hasn't sold yet. I really feel that we're still going to sell it before we move but sometimes I just need a little extra dose of faith. Yesterday I was praying for some extra faith and I felt like God was telling me to look around at everything He's done for us through this whole process because when you think about it everything has worked out perfectly when we made the decision to move. Of course my curiousity gets the best of me sometimes and I have to ask  God why our house hasn't sold yet? Of course, I have no answer so yes I continue to wait and pray everyday that the house will sell. I know God has come through for us whenever something comes up with the move so I know He's going to come through for us again. Although, any extra prayer from you guys will be appreciated ;)

Beautiful Weather

   This morning one of my friends invited me over to play outside with the kids and I wasn't going to go because I had a lot to do today. Well I decided to go because and I have to say that I'm so glad that I did, not only did it do me good to be outside in the fabulous weather but it also did Lauren some good. She was so happy to be outside playing, on the way there she asked what we were doing and I told her that she gets to play outside, she got the biggest smile on her face and just started giggling oh it's the little things that make me smile too. I'm so ready to be able to go outside in just shorts and a t-shirt and not have to worry about coats and gloves. I know Peyton is ready for summer too, he's so ready to play some baseball and I think his dad is ready to play some ball with him too ;)

Bittersweet Ending

  Tonight was my last night of Revolution and it was so very bittersweet. I know I still have a few weeks left here but I had to start cutting something out because I've got so much stuff to do and unfortunately Revolution was the first to go :( I have to say that I am happy to have my Wednesday nights back but I'm incredibly sad too because I won't get to see my girls on Wednesdays. It was so cool because during ministry time Doug had me come up and had the kids pray a blessing over me and just to have my small group girls and all the other kids standing around me was such an amazing feeling. I love seeing those kids continue to grow in God and be more comfortable to step out and pray for someone, my heart is definitely full tonight. It's nice to have a little break from Revolution too but I'm so excited to see how it's all going to work out in Peoria, I know that God is already preparing those kids' hearts. I honestly never thought that I would enjoy working with teenagers this much but I love it, I can't wait to be a part of the Peoria Revolution.

Cards

 This morning I was reminded once again how amazing my friends are. One of my dearest friends gave me a card this morning at bible study, now I know you're probably thinking, oooooo a card that's not exciting. But honestly, I LOVE when people give me cards. I think it's because it does take some time to pick out the perfect one and then it takes time to sit down and write something meaningful in it. When someone does something like that for me that just means so, so much to me. It's always nice to know when someone is thinking about you and can just share some encouraging words with you. Plus they always seem to know just when you need those encouraging words. So thank you my dearest Amy for making my day, you truly are an amazing friend and I love you a whole bunches.

Valentine's Day

  Today is Valentine's Day and I kind of think it's just any other day, Lamar and I never do anything major,
usually just go out for dinner and I'm ok with that. So today in honor of valentine's day I just wanted to blog about how fabulous my hubby is. He seriously is the most amazing man I've ever met, I mean, he has put up with me for 8 1/2 years so that says a lot ;) We've been through so much together and we've only gotten stronger, there were times when I didn't think that we were going to make it but thank goodness we did. Lamar's unconditional love has gotten me through some tough times and I fall in love with him more and more every day. He's an amazing father/husband/friend and I'm so lucky to call him mine, yeah that was cheesy I know but it is valentine's day, anyway I couldn't have asked for a better man to marry. So Happy Valentine's Day to my wonderful hubby, I love you so very much!

One Less Thing To Worry About.

Today has been a pretty good day for me, well definitely much better then yesterday. I just went to church and had some much needed Jesus time. I love how church just makes you feel recharged and refreshed, sometimes I wish you could go to church everyday ;) I realized last night too that I need to start giving up some things because of the fact that I've got so much going on, so this Wednesday is my last night at Revolution. It makes me sad but on the other hand, I'm pretty happy to have one less thing to worry about. Anyway, here's to hoping for a better week.

Stress Overload.

  Do you ever have those days where you just feel like you're going to lose it???? Well welcome to my Saturday :( I wish I could go back to bed and do this day all over again. I have so much on my plate right now and it keeps pileing up and nothing is getting done. I feel like all I've done is yell at Peyton today and I feel horrible but of course, there's nothing I can do about it now. I feel like I have so much going on and I can't give 100% and what I do give is basically just half a$%ing it and I honestly feel like I am about to break. I want to be that strong woman that can handle stressful situations but guess what, I can't so I'll just push through and hope it gets better.

Adventures with Lauren.

  So this weekend Lamar is in Minnesota for church planting boot camp and Angie decided to come down and spend the weekend with us. We met her at pizza hut tonight for dinner and on the way there Lauren had to go potty, of course she knows that she's supposed to go before we leave the house but she forgot because she was to excited to see Angie. Anyway, she keeps telling me that she can't hold so I pulled off on a side road and I'm thinking how am I going to get her to go potty outside. Well because I think quick on my feet, ok maybe not, I see a kleenex box so I preceded to take just the top of the box off so she could just pee in the box and on the all the kleenex's and it wouldn't splatter. So I told her to come up to the front of the car because it was way to cold outside, yeah I know she could have peed all over the inside of the car, as I'm sitting beside the road and Lauren standing with her pants pulled down a van drives by really slow, thank goodness they didn't stop but I'm sure they were thinking what is this psycho doing pulled off the side of the road with a little girl in the front with her pants pulled down, yeah that just screams weirdo. Anyway, it turns out that my child is pee shy, the poor thing couldn't even go but she was able to make it to pizza hut without wetting herself. Even though she's pee shy it's good to know she can hold it pretty well.

Confessing our Sins.

  Tonight we had our healing journey intensive class, we were actually supposed to have it last week but it got cancelled because of the weather. I had no idea what to expect because even though I've take the healing journey class before I had never been to the intensives. So basically it's more teaching and lots of writing but towards the end of the night we were talking about some of the things we struggle with, like anger, resentment, fear, approval and we had to take a minute to pray about it and see what God was telling us which one we struggle with the most and then we'll write some answers down and confess it as sin. Well, mine was anger, and I'm just going to be honest that I'm kind of an angry person so that didn't really shock me to much that God highlighted anger. So when we broke into our groups they told us that we'll be confessing this as a sin to each other and of course I'm thinking can I have a few more minutes to change what I wrote down because I don't want people to think I'm a big weirdo. The leader of our group said that sometimes when we get to this part as we're confessing our sin that people just start sobbing and some people just smile and some have no emotion but when it was my turn to read mine, it was almost more of a  liberating feeling. Like yes, I know this is a sin and I'm working on it and Satan you can't hold this over me anymore. Now I'm not saying that tomorrow I won't be crying about it but right now, I feel so free. As I was driving home thinking about tonight I had to ask myself, why is it so hard to confess our sins? Most of the time when we confess something you feel like this huge weight has been lifted but instead we choose to not talk about it and push everything down inside you, believe me I'm one of those people that likes to shove things down and not talk about it, but it's such a free feeling to know that you've confessed and it's out there and people are praying for you to get through this. I'm just so glad that I went tonight because I did think about skipping out but now I feel a bit more free and I feel like I'm finally getting somewhere with this healing process.

Pride

  You know pride can be such an evil thing, it can totally go to your head and make you think that you're better then everyone else, it makes you think and act differently, I hate pride. Well these last few weeks have got me thinking about it more and more. Since it's getting closer to us moving I've had more people tell me that it's so amazing what we're doing, what you're doing is very heroic, etc....and as much as I like to hear that I feel like people are seeing more of what we're doing and not why we're doing it. It's not like one day we just decided to pack up and move just because we wanted to, God planted this in Lamar and well, after lots and lots of prayer God planted that seed in me too. I just want people to see that we're doing this for God and not ourselves, I mean, yeah it's a big step to pick up and move to another town when you don't know anyone else, even to buy a house when you haven't sold the one you live in now, that's a huge step of faith but I also fully believe that because we are doing what God has asked of us that He's going to bless us, and He's already blessed us immensly. I just hate the way pride can sneak up on you and it slaps you in the face before you even know what's going on. I am going to continue to pray against pride because it's an evil thing and I don't want to have anything to do with it :)

 Well I really have nothing to exciting to say right now. I went to bible study this morning, well for part of bible study anyway, I had to leave early to come home and clean the house because we had some people come and look at it this afternoon. And wow, the house was a mess, I really wish we had a house keeper it would just make my life a little easier. That's one thing that my mom didn't pass on to me was to have an exceptionally clean house, my mom is constantly cleaning. I mean it's not like my house is dirty but it could always be cleaner. Wow, this is an exciting post. I think I need to get out of the house more and lead more of an exciting life. I'm sure it'll be a little more exciting in a couple of months ;)

VLT

  The first Monday of the month we always have VLT(vineyard leadership training) and basically all the small group leaders, ministry leaders, etc. just get together and talk about what's going on in their groups and get some much needed prayer. Well as we were in our group Lamar and I were looking over the agenda for the month of feb.and march and we realized that this is our last VLT that we'll be going to before we move. Of course, I'm trying to hold back the tears, today was pretty emotional so it didn't really do any good. It hit me that soon there's going to be so many "lasts" like this is our last night going to small group, our last church service, and so on. Honestly I don't want to sit here and think about all our "lasts", I want to enjoy those moments that we have with the ones we love but it's hard not to think about the fact that we're moving and we won't get to do this anymore. It's not like we won't ever come back but it won't be the same as what it is now, it's just such an emotional time right now. I'm definitely going to try to enjoy the time that I still have here in Arthur but I can't make any promises that I won't burst into tears at that time either.

  The last 2 days have been kind of rough for me so good thing we had church today so I could get some prayer ;) It always amazes me when you go up for prayer and what you want prayer for isn't actually what's going on or what you're struggling with, I hope that makes sense because it makes sense in my head....lol Anyway, so as these 2 ladies were praying for me the one asked me if I feel like I'm not good enough to go on this church plant, I burst into tears, she hit the nail on the head. I've struggled with being worthy enough or good enough my whole life and I've gotten prayer for it numerous times but just when I think that I'm over it it comes back and smacks me in the face. I hate that feeling of unworthiness, I mean God chose me for a reason but it's so hard to realize that He did choose me, obviously He sees something in me that I don't see. I would love to just have a glimpse of how God sees me, how awesome would that be. I wonder how different we would live our lives if we would see ourselves how God sees us? Please don't think that I'm feeling sorry for myself when I say this but I can't wait for the day when I actually feel worthy enough to do this, and believe me I hope it's some day soon.

  This week has been such a long week that I'm so ready for it to be over. Peyton had 3 snow days and I was stuck in the house the whole time. Now I don't mind staying home for 1 day or so but after that I need to get out, it was just crazy. I'm so ready for spring, it's time for cookouts, taking the kids to the pool or the park, going on walks at night...etc. Can you tell I have spring fever? Lamar was checking the weather tonight and he said that it could get up to the 50's in a couple of weeks, I didn't think I would ever be so excited for 50 degree weather. Well here's to hoping for warm weather very, very soon.

Coffee Time!

  This morning I had a few ladies and their kids over for coffee. I have to say that I love when we get together for coffee, it's nice to sit, relax, have some coffee and just chat away. I love when we have these mornings together because it just reminds me of what great friends I have, we can share what's going on in our lives and no one is going to judge, we can just be real with each other. I have to say friends like that are very hard to come by so I think I'll keep these friends around for awhile ;) I love these ladies and I look forward to many more coffee dates with them.

   This week has been such a boring week for me and I feel bad for the ones who read this blog because I have nothing exciting to post. I guess that can be a good thing that nothing to exciting is going on but man, I have to have something to blog about. We did finally get out of the house tonight, we went to Eric and Amy's small group and it went really well, it was nice to actually be going to small group again. I think last fall I only went 2 times because I had volleyball games and it just didn't work out so it was good to get back into a small group. I don't know if we'll make it every week but I'm sure that we'll go back when we can, so thanks Eric and Amy for having us :)

Cabin Fever

  So I've been stuck in this house for 2 days now and let's just say that "I HAVE CABIN FEVER!" Yes that was me yelling, I don't mind being at home for a day but it's been 2 days now and I'm about to go crazy. I know there's so much that I could be doing but this weather makes me feel incredibly lazy so I did nothing today. All I have to say is that I hope Peyton has school tomorrow and I'm hoping that I can get out of the house. Sorry for such a short post but that's all I got right now ;)

Winter Storm!

Well it's the first day of February and I have to say that I think it's going to be a memorable one. We've had a severe storm warning out since yesterday and it's supposed to go until tomorrow sometime. So far we have got a ton of ice and it really sucks, I have to say that it looks so pretty out but I know how much damage ice can cause. I've actually never seen a winter storm like this before, well not that I can remember. We haven't lost our electricity yet and I really hope we don't. I keep seeing people on fb saying that they've lost power and that makes me a little nervous. Lamar was actually supposed to leave today and not come back until tomorrow night but man, I'm so glad he stayed home. I would have been a nervous wreck if he would have left, plus I would have hated to stay at home by myself with a storm like this. I have to say that having a winter storm like this makes me a lot more greatful for my nice, warm house. I just hope everyone that's out there is able to find some kind of shelter from this storm.