So it's been a few weeks since I've posted anything and I thought it was about time I posted again. Lamar has been busy laying the tile in the basement, he actually finished that a couple of weeks ago and we painted the basement too so hopefully we are finished with painting and laying tile and all that stuff for a long, long time. It just seems like since we've moved here that there's been all these little things that we HAVE to fix and it gets really frustrating, I know that everything happens for a reason but I just want to know why the basement flooded, or why I now have this fear of staying by myself, why was the car not driving like it should and having to get that fixed...etc. I might not ever know the reason why these things happened and I have to be ok with it, it's just super frustrating. One of my friends was texting me yesterday and she just reminded me that no matter what God is going to take care of us, sometimes it's nice to hear that because I have a tendancy to forget that.
  So on a brighter note, we have a building for the church and I'm so excited about it. We're not exactly sure of the launch date just yet, but hey, at least we have a building. It's so exciting to look back over the past year and see how this entire process has unfolded. There was a little part of me that never thought we'd actually move with this church plant but I'm so glad we did, I love being there/here from the beginning. I remember our first meeting with Ben & Tina at their house in Champaign and I was so nervous, I let Lamar do all the talking that night, shocking I know ;) but I remember getting in the car on our way home just crying and telling Lamar that I'm not sure that I feel called to do this but knowing in my heart that this is what we are supposed to do. And now, 16 months later we're here, we have a church building, and we're starting small group this week. Aaaagggghhhh so exciting!!!!!! Anyway that's all I have right now, I will try to do better about posting, because my posts or soooooo exciting(insert saracasim)

  So today I took the kids to Mcdonald's for lunch and then I let them play in the playplace for awhile. We were there pretty early so my kids were the only ones there for awhile, well as I was watching other kids come in for lunch and then off to play I had to ask myself why we can't be more like kids. The reason I was asking myself this is because kids make friends so easily, Lauren was the only girl there for a bit and then this other girl showed up and she walked right up to Lauren and just smiled at her and asked if she wanted to play, they ran off together and had a great time. Obviously we can't walk up to an adult and ask if they want to play, I'm sure if we did we would get some weird looks. But seriously, I wish it would be that easy to walk up to someone and smile and say hey you want to be my friend. I know that as adults we're definitely a lot more guarded and that can be a good thing, sometimes. Who knew Mcdonald's could be so thought provoaking ;)

  Being a parent is THE hardest job in the world, and this week just reminded me how difficult it can be. The kids have been fighting non-stop all week, and it's about rediculous stuff and it's just constant. There's only so much fighting you can take before you feel like you're going to lose it. Sometimes I just want to put them in a room and let them fight it out, even if they beat each other up, at this point I just want the fighting to stop. I feel like I've tried everything, spanking, making them play separately, no tv, no video games, and nothing seems to help. Maybe I just need a break from them, I don't know but something has got to change or this momma is going to be in the looney bin. Don't get me wrong I love my kids but sometimes they drive me crazy. And then of course I question my parenting, I wonder if I did something wrong or if I'm still doing something wrong. I know that there isn't one perfect parent but seriously, maybe I am doing something wrong. Aaaaaaggggghhhh I don't know, tomorrow will be a better day right??????

  Today is one of those days where I'm feeling incredibly sad, and no this isn't going to be a feel sorry for myself post it's just how I'm feeling. It just hit me this morning how much I miss my friends, don't get me wrong I love living here and I'm so glad we decided to step out and do this but I miss my friends. That's all there is too it, I miss them so much that some days it hurts and today is one of those days. I miss being able to call them up on the weekend and go for dinner or just hang out. I miss being able to go for coffee with "The Real Housewives of Arthur" Lamar and I were just talking about this last night, it's a lot harder to meet people then what we thought it would be. It's good to know that Lamar feels the same way I do so I don't seem quite as crazy ;) I know it's not like I'm going to meet someone at the store and we going to become best friends and hang out all the time, it takes time to build those relationships. I think everyone should have that go to person or couple that they can just totally be themselves around and there's no judgement, people that you can open up too and their not going to talk to their other friends about it, I know that we still have those friends but things are just different when you move 2 hours away. I know this whole process is an emotional roller coaster and unfortunatetly today is a down day but tomorrow will be better, I already feel better by just putting my feelings out there, yes I'm an outward processor. Anyway, the good thing about this whole moving situation is that I know it's a roller coaster ride and I can expect to have days like this. I don't want very many of them but at least I can expect to have them and I can kind of prepare myself for these days. 

  Have any of you ever felt like you're supposed to do something but you're not sure what it is? I've had this feeling for the last couple of weeks and I can't seem to shake it, I've prayed about it and I still don't have any answers. It's so frustrating because I want to know if I'm really actually supposed to be doing something more then what I am now or if maybe it's just a feeling of nothingness(yes I made that word up). I'm not sure if it's supposed to be something in the church or the community or what it is, or maybe I'm just supposed to embrace being a full time stay at home mom. Maybe it's just me feeling a bit guilty because since we've been married I've always had a job and now I don't, so I'm a stay at home mom and I don't really feel like I'm contributing much and I feel like I should be doing something more. I don't know what it is but I'm just going to continue praying about it and hoping I get some answers soon.

   Happy 4th of July, well it's not until tomorrow ;) So we decided to not go back to Arthur this weekend and I have to say that I really wasn't that upset about it. Lamar and I both knew that since it's a holiday weekend things would be crazier then they normally are when we go back to Arthur, and yes I missed hanging out with my friends but it was good to be here too. We really didn't do that much, yesterday Lamar was trying to get the basement floor sanded down so we can lay tile(hopefully next weekend) and then we had a some friends over for a cookout last night and today we skipped church and just had a nice relaxing day at home. The more I think about it the more I really did miss hanging with my friends this weekend and I can't wait to see them again, which I hope will be sometime soon.