Even the strong struggle.

  Last night we had our 2nd. "soft" service at Ben & Tina's and so on the way home I was asking Lamar how his prayer time went. I realized that even though he's been incredibly strong for me with all the stuff I'm dealing with that he's also struggling with things too. Lamar definitely doesn't put his struggles out there for everyone to see like I do but sometimes you forget that even the strongest people in the world still have down days. As we were talking last night we both said that we're so tired emotionally, mentally, and physically, now I knew this move would not be easy but I didn't think that we would be getting hit with one thing right after the other. Someone told Lamar last night that when we make a move like this, for God, that Satan pulls out all the stops trying to discourage us and whatever else he can do. Both Lamar and I know that this move was right for us and I know that God never said it would be easy but somedays it's hard to not think about how "easy" things were before we moved. I know we just have to get through this rough patch and yes, it's hard for me to not think about the fact that there might be something else waiting for us when we get through this rough time but I know that  God's going to help us get through this and He's also going to help us with anything else that comes up. Now, for me, it's definitely hard to remember God is always there, He might not come to our rescue right away but He's always there. I don't know why that's so hard to remember because when I look back over the years and all the stupid things I've done, He's there in every situation, He's saved me, He's protected me, and yet it's still hard for me to remember that. As I'm writing this I'm just reminded that when I do have a rough day or I'm struggling with something then I just let it consume me and I try to deal with it and fix it myself, and let me tell that has NEVER worked. You would think I would have that figured out by now ;)
   So I do have one more thing to add and this is more of me asking for prayer. Most of you know that I've been struggling with anxiety and fear and this past week it just seemed to be worse. I told Lamar last night that it's almost a crippling thing, to the point where I don't want to leave the house or anything like that, but then when Lamar is gone I don't want to be in this house. Yes, it's so weird I know but it's just how I feel. So basically I'm asking for an extra dose of prayer and maybe some insight or anything, I'm trying so hard to get over this fear and anxiety and I want to be free from it but it just seems like it's getting worse.