Hello Again

 So I have been thinking about getting back to blogging again and I realized that I haven't blogged since April. Wow, that's a long time. Clearly I didn't do a very good job of blogging this year but I'm going to try to get back into it. So much has happened since April I really don't know where to begin. I guess I can start with the most exciting thing that has happened this year, of course if anyone out there still reads this then you already know but we are having our 3rd baby in March. I'm so excited to be doing the whole baby thing again, yes it's going to be hard but I know that I'll have 3 wonderful helpers and I'm very excited about it. I have to say that this has definitely not been an easy pregnancy but so far I've made it, only 15 weeks to go :) I just get so tired so easily and I can't do everything that I used to do but I can make the sacrifice to keep this little guy healthy. The kids are so excited about their baby brother too, they've actually nicknamed him "Max." Hmm what else is going on???? Well we're in the middle of the holiday season and it's just a crazy time of year, I love Christmas time but sometimes I wish things would just slow down a bit so we can enjoy it a little more and not have so many things going on all at one time. I guess the older we get the busier it gets and the quicker the holiday season goes by. Gosh, that's something my mom would say ;) man I am getting old :)

Not so Joyful

  So I know I said that my goal this year was to post about things that bring me joy, well that will not be the case with this post. I'm just having one of "those" days and I process things so much better when I write them out or talk about them, I'm hoping that since it's been so long since I've posted anything that people will actually forget that I have this blog. Anyway, lately I've really been struggling with being a stay at home mom. I guess I never expected to be a SAHM or at least not full time. I've always had a job, whether it's been full or part time and I actually felt like I was contributing to something and now....well I feel like I do nothing but laundry, clean, feed the kids, take Peyton to and from school, etc. I know there are women out there that would do anything to be a SAHM but I'm just really struggling with that fact that's all I do and it's what I am. I feel totally worthless because I'm NOT bringing in any funds of any kind and honestly, things are tight financially right now so it would be great if I could contribute somehow. I just hate feeling this way and I know that it would be hard for me to have a job right now because Lamar travels and we never really know what his schedule is until the week before so me having a job just doesn't seem to be in the cards right now and I just need to be ok with it. I just hate the feeling of being useless and not contributing to anything. Oh well, I know that I'm here and doing the things I'm doing for a reason but sometimes it's just hard to see the bigger picture.

   So the last week or so it hit me that I don't have this precious little baby anymore, Lauren is growing up to be such a little lady and honestly it's hit me harder then I thought it ever would. I was always that mom that couldn't wait until my kids could sit up, stand, walk, talk, etc. Well now, I want all those moments back, well most of those moments ;)  I registered Lauren for kindergarten last week and I had to choke back the tears and now today she does her own hair, I know I know, she does her own hair, no big deal right???? I guess it can be one little thing that hits you and makes you realize that she's growing up. I never thought I would have such a hard time with her growing up, but it's definitely harder then I thought it would be.  I know I can't keep her from going to school or anything like that but I know the day I drop her off, there will be lots of tears. I'm not sure what I'll do with all my free time when school starts this fall, I guess the good thing is that she'll only be in kindergarten for a half day instead of a full day. It's just hard to think about because she's with me 24/7, if I have to run to the store she's with me, if I have a coffee/lunch date she's with me, she's my little sidekick and in a few short months, my sidekick will be in school. I know I'll be ok when that day comes but right now I just want to make the best of all these moments.

Ok so I know I've been HORRIBLE about keeping up with my blog but sometimes a girl just gets busy.....either that or she forgets that she actually has a blog ;) Anyway, so if you read my last post this blog is going to be all about joy this year. I mean who can't use a little more joy in their life and I'm just going to share a few things that bring lots of joy in my life. These 3 people bring the most joy to me. I mean who wouldn't love these faces. I am just beyond blessed, I never thought that I could be this lucky. I have an amazing

husband who loves me just as I am and 2 great kids. Peyton is a special little guy, he reminds me so much of my brother Wendall(he died when I was 15 yrs. old) the way he looks, acts, and just everything about him reminds me of Wendall. He has such a caring, sweet spirit, he has got the most ornary(sp)  grin that I've ever seen and when you see it you can't help but smile. And then there's Lauren, I'm not exactly where to start with her, she's such a free spirit and she's always ready to have a good time, and yes she's only 4 so watch out world because Lauren is ready to laugh, smile, and just have a party. I think my favorite thing she does right now is when she gets up in the morning she immediately gives me a huge hug and she'll continue to give me hugs randomly throughout the day if she thinks I haven't had enough of them. She's always smiling when she wakes up, that is so not like me at all, and she loves to snuggle. These 3 people are the best blessings I have in my life and I thank God for them everyday.
 P.S. I promise this blog won't always be this cheesy :)

Joy!!!

    Last year was my first year for blogging and I started it because we were moving and it was going to be a big change for us. I wanted to be able to see how everything would fall into place with the move and how we would transition into everything. Well this year I was trying to come up with a "theme" for my blog and my word for the year is Joy so I decided that's what my blog will be about. I want to really focus on Joy because I feel like there's so much negativity around us and it just drags us down, I know that I could be more joyful too and I think that this will help keep me focused on that. So as my first official post of the new year, this one is going out to my fabulous hubby. Warning, cheesiness ahead!!!! ;)                      



  Lamar has brought me so much joy this last year, he's held me when I would do nothing but cry, he's taken care of the kids when I just needed a little extra time to myself, and he's been incredibly forgiving when I'm just completely irrational. I know I've said this before but we've gotten so much closer this past year and I know we wouldn't be where we are if it wouldn't have been for the move. I feel like I've gotten to know him all over again and it's just been amazing. We've learned to laugh together again and we totally content just hanging out on the couch watching movies on the weekend. We're continuing to grow together and we want to keep improving our marriage, I definitely couldn't have asked for a better husband. I feel like I've fallen in love with him all over again. I'm really excited to see what God has in store for us this year, after the big move last year and we made it through that, I feel like we can make it through anything. I love you babe!

Goodbye 2011

  So I know it's not quite the end of the year just yet but today I've just been reflecting a lot and I just decided to make this my last post of the year. As most of you know, this year was pretty difficult for me but would I change it, absolutely not. We moved to Morton in March and I'm pretty sure that I have never cried as much as I did when all the boxes were unpacked and my friends and family left us here all by ourselves. I didn't think that I would ever adjust to being away from Arthur, Lamar and I both grew up there and all our friends and family were still there. I just felt like we were missing out on so much. I never thought that this move would have been so difficult, for some reason I thought that things wouldn't change that much, friendships would stay the same, we'd go to back to Arthur to visit and it would be like we never left. Wow, was I wrong. Most of our friendships have stayed the same but unfortunately some have changed but that's to be expected and I realize that now. Moving is never easy and things will never stay the same, I wish someone would have told me that before I had to figure it out on my own. But with this move I've had to step out and do things that I thought I couldn't do. Was it easy to put myself out there? No it was not, but I also learned that I can do it and it's not always going to be easy but I also can't sit in my house and become the weirdo neighbor that never leaves her house ;)
      This past year has brought Lamar and I closer, we've learned to rely on each other more then what we ever did before. I feel like we've learned to have fun with each other again and we're ok with hanging out with just each other. Yes I know that we've been married for 9 years but when you have kids and work that seems to get in the way sometimes, so yes we've learned to become friends again and not just a married couple. Our relationship is the best it's ever been and I don't think we'd be here today if it wouldn't have been for us moving. I'm so thankful that God has called us to help with this church plant. I feel like I'm slowly, very slowly becoming the woman that God wants me to be and I don't think I would have been able to do that if we continued to live in Arthur. Not that living in Arthur is a bad thing but you just get stuck in a rut and well, God likes to shake things up every now and then ;) As I look back over this year, it definitely hasn't been easy but it's been an amazing thing to see God work His way in our lives. I'm ready to put this year behind us and see what 2012 has in store for us. I have a feeling 2012 is going to be another year of changes but I say bring it on. I'm ready for it :)

Happy Anniversary!!!!

  Today is mine and Lamar's 9 year anniversary so I decided that I'm going to "dedicate" this post to my fabulous husband. We've definitely had our ups and downs and somedays I didn't think that we were ever going to make it. Now, I feel like we are in the best place we've ever been and it can only continue to get better. This move has made me realize lots of things and one of those things is that I didn't think that I could be any more in love with Lamar but guess what??? I am, I feel like I continue to fall in love with him more and more everyday. He truly is my best friend and I don't know what I would do without him, he's seen me at my absolute worst and he still loves me, and that says a lot because believe me, I've been horrible. I've hurt him numerous times and he's forgiven me time and time again. I honestly couldn't ask for a better husband, even thought growing up I thought I would marry a bad a$$ who drove a muscle car, had tattoos, you know that type of guy. Boy was I wrong, I married the whitest white boy I know(sorry babe it's true) All I can do is thank God that He brought us together, He definitely knew what He was doing. I can't wait to see what the next 9 years hold for us, all I know is that as long as I'm with Lamar it'll be great. I love you so much Lamar and I don't know what I would do without. Sorry guys for being so cheesy ;)