Well I have to say that the house warming party was a success, we had such a great time and I can't wait to have everyone back again and hopefully they'll be able to stay longer. We made breakfast for everyone and then a few of us went to Charming Charlie's and after that everyone left :( Of course Lamar made an interesting obversation too, he told me that I didn't cry when everyone left. That's the first time that has happened, anytime someone leaves or we leave Arthur, I cry and I didn't this time so I guess that means that I'm getting used to this. So I guess I should say YAY!!!!! I am glad that I'm getting used to being away from my friends and family but that doesn't make me miss them any less. My friends are so awesome and I wouldn't be who or where I am today without them, so for that they will ALWAYS be a part of my life and I love them dearly. You guys know who you are and I just want to say thanks for always being there for me, you guys are amazing and I'm so lucky to have friends like you :)

  I'm so looking forward to tonight, we are having a house warming party and some of our friends from Arthur are coming for the night. Aaaaaaagggghhhhh I'm so excited! I feel like I've been going about 100 miles an hour all day just trying to get everything ready and I've been cooking and baking(well one cake and it looks gross) anyway, I'm just ready for a nice relaxing night with friends. I know we're going to have a good time because.....well this is such an awesome group of friends and we always have a good time. I am a little sad because some people can't make it but that's ok because that just means we'll have to have another house warming party ;) I'm off to have some fun now.

Feeling like somewhat of a failure.

  Well apparently I'm a big wimp and I wasn't able to stay by myself last night, luckily my amazing sister Angie left Champaign at 8:30 to come and stay with me, now that's a good sister. And yes, Champaign is only about 1hr. away so it's not to bad of a drive but still she save me :) Ok maybe she didn't save me but she helped me to be able to sleep last night. I do somewhat feel like a failure because I'm 31 years old and have 2 kids and yet, I still can't stay by myself, not even for one night. I feel like I should be able to do this and it's frustrating because I'm fine during the day but the minute it gets dark I get freaked out. I just really want to figure out why I can't or don't like to stay by myself, I just want to get to the root of this issue. I know it would be a lot easier for Lamar to leave too if we got this thing figured out, I'm just thankful that I have such an understanding husband who lets me sob all over him the night before he leaves, yes I'm that girl. Anyway, I'm thinking lots more prayer over this issue is going to be in my near future. I'll keep you posted, and yes, I know you all are on the edge of your seat with excitement ;)

Trying to be strong.

  So as most of you know, I don't like when Lamar is gone for the night because I HATE staying by myself. I think I would rather do anything else then spend an entire night in my house, all alone. I have no idea why I hate it so much but I do. I'm ok during the day but it's almost like the minute it gets dark, I get freaked out. I feel like the biggest chicken ever, I mean I'm 31 and I'm to scared to be by myself. It almost makes me laugh as I type this. But seriously I have no idea why I feel this way, it's almost like the walls close in around me and I hear all the little noises and I don't sleep at all, maybe 2 hours at the most. I've had people pray over me numerous times and yet, it seems like nothing changes. I just want to be ok with being alone, that's all I'm asking right now. Anyway, I really am trying to be strong right now but part of me just wants to jump in the car and drive back to Arthur but of course, that really wouldn't solve anything. So I guess I will stay and fight through this and I'm hoping that I will actually get some sleep tonight.

Battlefield of the Mind

  So I'm reading Battlefield of the Mind right now and I've only read 3 chapters but so far, everything is true. I'm just amazed at how if you just let your mind go then it goes places where you don't want to go. Yes, I have been fighting this battle for a long time and I'm really trying to overcome those thoughts, hence me reading the book. As I was reading last night, Satan just started attacking me with these crazy thoughts and of course I just wanted to yell at him and say can you please give me a break, at least for an hour. I just said a little prayer and that did the trick too ;) Joyce Meyer wrote the book and she said in there that if you constantly think negative thoughts then your life will be full of negativity and if you constantly think postive thoughts then you'll just be much happier. Of course, just because you're thinking positive thoughts doesn't mean that nothing bad will ever happen to you but you just look at life a bit better. And I've been doing good with the positive thoughts for today and then, well satan slapped me in the face with an attack again. Serioulsy I just want to punch him in the face, i'd like to think that would make me feel better. Anyway, Lamar is going to be gone tomorrow night and I was fine with it today and then all of the sudden, I'm thinking that I can't do this, I can't stay here by myself, what if something happens, what if.....etc. I'm really trying to be strong and know that God is going to take care of me because I know He will but it's just something that I have to get through my head, that God is here, His presence is in this house and He's going to take care of me. So I will continue to fight this battle that raging in my mind, gosh that sounds scary, and I will win this battle I'm not going to let Satan get me. But I will ask that if you think about it just say a little prayer for me tomorrow night that I can actually sleep and feel comfortable with Lamar being gone.

  I don't feel like blogging tonight so this is all you're getting. Sorry peeps!

Sunday Nights

  I just have to say that I miss my Sunday night panic group, we always hung out every Sunday night and ate pizza, junk food, and played panic. And well, now we don't do that anymore and it makes me sad. We did have pizza for dinner tonight so I guess we kept that tradition, of course it's not the same because, well you can't play panic with a 5 year old and a 3 year old. Anyway, I'm starting to be ok with being here but then I have moments like this and I really miss my traditional Sunday night with my friends. I know we'll make new friends and have our own traditions(they won't be as good;) ) but it won't be the same. I know nothing is ever going to be the same again, and yes I have to be ok with that. I think it would just be so much easier if all my friends would have moved here with us of course I know that's not how it works. Anyway, well I'm off to watch a movie with the kiddos, so until tomorrow.