Trying to be strong.

  So as most of you know, I don't like when Lamar is gone for the night because I HATE staying by myself. I think I would rather do anything else then spend an entire night in my house, all alone. I have no idea why I hate it so much but I do. I'm ok during the day but it's almost like the minute it gets dark, I get freaked out. I feel like the biggest chicken ever, I mean I'm 31 and I'm to scared to be by myself. It almost makes me laugh as I type this. But seriously I have no idea why I feel this way, it's almost like the walls close in around me and I hear all the little noises and I don't sleep at all, maybe 2 hours at the most. I've had people pray over me numerous times and yet, it seems like nothing changes. I just want to be ok with being alone, that's all I'm asking right now. Anyway, I really am trying to be strong right now but part of me just wants to jump in the car and drive back to Arthur but of course, that really wouldn't solve anything. So I guess I will stay and fight through this and I'm hoping that I will actually get some sleep tonight.