Positive/Negative Thinking

    I've recently started reading Joyce Meyer's book Battlefield of the Mind and so far its been really good. There's so much information to take in that I have to read 2-3 chapters at a time because I feel like I need to really absorb what she's saying. Today one of the chapters that I read was about positive thinking, and I think I've actually blogged a little bit about this before. But anyway, she was saying that she used to be an extremely negative person and she always thought the worst things would happen to her, like she always had this weird feeling in her stomach and she immediately thought something bad was going to happen. Holy crap, that's exactly how I am and I hate, hate, hate that this is how I am. She basically said that she had to totally change her thinking process, obviously, but it was also something that was really difficult to do. So of course, I am all about wanting to change my thinking process. I hate that I always think something bad is going to happen. Yes, I know that bad things happen to everyone but if every bad thing happened to me that I've thought of, well I would have been dead a long time ago. It's so crazy how your mind can take you to all these "places" if you just let it. I know changing my way of thinking is definitely going to be a process but I seriously hate all the negativity that goes on in my mind. I really don't remember that last time that I was truly, honestly happy and that's really sad to me. So once again, I have found ANOTHER thing that I have to work on, at the rate I'm going I might not ever get to be the person that I truly want to be.

  We have had a super busy day today, even if it was a holiday. We did get to sleep in though so that was good. We've had a day of running, baking, weeding, cleaning old toys, icing, going to a  cookout, baths, snack, and now we're finally relaxing. The Peoria team had a cookout today and it was a chance to invite people who live in the Peoria area that might be interested in helping to get this church planted. There was probably about 10 people or so that came out so we had a pretty good turn out today. It was nice to meet some new people and put some faces with the names. Days like today just make me more excited to be a part of this church plant, I can't wait to see where we'll be in 6 months and see how everything is going to play out. Like I've said before I know that God is going to do some amazing things and I'm just so excited to see them :)

Well we are on our way home from a fun but busy weekend. I really didn't want to come home this weekend just because It's always crazy and we're running around everywhere but it wasn't too bad, although I didn't get everyone that I wanted too. I guess there's always next time. I'm ready to be home and sleep in my own bed and I know my kiddos are too. Here's to a safe and quick trip home :)

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Today we went over to my parents old house and cleaned out the attic, I seriously did not want to go because, well attics are full of spiders and bugs. But it really wasn't that bad, It's kind of fun going through all the stuff we had growing up. Lauren actually is playing with some of my old My Little Pony's and she loves them. It's so funny to see her playing with them. Anyway, that's all for now, I know this post was so exciting ;)

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Mixed feelings

  Well we are about to leave for Arthur for the weekend and I have to say that I'm really not that excited about it. I really don't know why because normally I would be. Maybe it's because everytime we go back for a visit we're running in 5 different directions the whole time and it's really not that relaxing. One of these times when we go back for a visit I'm just going to tell everyone that we'll be at a certain place and if they want to come and see us then come on over. I'm just tired of trying to divide all our time between friends and family and then you never get to see all the people that you want to and it just pretty much blows. Oh well, it's life right so I might as well just deal with it. Or maybe I don't want to go back because in a way you kind of feel like you've been forgotten, and yes, I know that everyone has to move on and it's not like I made a huge impact but it still sucks. I don't know why I don't want to go back, I'm sure there's lots of little reasons but whatever it is I will try and enjoy myself. For some reason, I just really want to be in Morton this weekend. Oh well, I'm sure I'll have a good time once I'm there.

  As most of you know this move has been really hard for me, I know you guys are probably thinking that I really need to suck it up and put my big girl pants on and yes, I do need to do that believe me I'm working on it. Anyway, so this morning as I was praying I felt like God is trying to show me something amazing and I can't see it because I'm so consumed with this move and what has gone along with this move, missing my friends and family, feeling like I miss out on things that are going on back in Arthur. At this point I think if God slapped me in the face with what He wants to show me, I really don't know if I would see it and that's really sad to me. Because yes, I am missing out on stuff back in Arthur but God brought us here for a reason and I'm missing out on stuff here and who knows what it could be. I could be missing out on a great friendship or meeting new people just because I'm so consumed with the move. Aaaaaaggggghhhhhh seriously I just need to get over it, we're here and there's nothing that I can do about it so I might as well live it up right? I'm tired of "feeling sorry for myself" and just being sad all the time, and I'm pretty sure that Lamar is tired of me feeling this way too. I kind of feel like I'm the EGR(extra grace required) of the church team and honestly I hate that feeling, there should always be someone crazier then me. I did tell the team on Tuesday night that I am kind of crazy so at least they know that now ;) All I want to do is suck it up, put my big girl pants on, I'm an adult and I need to act like it. I need to stop acting like a baby because if I continue to live like this then I'm definitely going to miss out on what God is trying to show me. I so want to see if but unfortunately I can't right now but someday soon I will see it and I know that it will be amamzing.

Summer Reading.

   Well I am in the middle of reading about 4 different books and for me that's a lot because I like to read but I don't LOVE it. Now 3 of the books are encouraging, not really self-help books but there just good books and well the other one, it's not the best book but it's very interesting, it's Steven Tyler's book and it's interesting to see how a rockstar actually lived and all that stuff. Anyway, so one of the other books that I'm reading is So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore and I've read 2 chapters so far and it has hit me like a ton of bricks. I realize that I'm a pretty insecure person and I don't really like to admit that but hey I'm looking to change that so that's why I'm putting this out there, so people can hold me accountable. I just hate the feeling of being insecure but unfortunately it's where I'm at in my life but at least I'm willing to step up and change it. It's like a said in my post a few days ago, that it's really hard to figure out the "negative" things about yourself, but if you're willing and ready to change those things then that's good I guess. Part of me doesn't want to finish reading the book, I know I know I'm 2 chapters in, because of what else I might discover about myself but what good is that going to do me if I stop reading the book, because I'm afraid of what else I might discover then how and I going to fix it. At least I'm willing to make the changes that I need to but sometimes it's still hard to "hear" what you need to change, even though I know that I'll be better in the long run. So here's to my journey of changing and becoming a better person.