Last Post of 2012

 Well, this is my last post of 2012. I can't believe that this year is already over, it seems like we were just saying goodbye to 2011. This past year has definitely had it's ups and downs and I do have to say that I'm ready for 2013. So everyone usually has a word that they want to apply to their life for that whole year, mine was Joy. And yeah, it didn't go exactly like I wanted it too. It was just an emotional year for me and I feel like I didn't apply it like I wanted too. So this year I have decided to do something a little different, I'm going to take a picture of something everyday that makes me happy or thankful. I'm going to shoot for 60 days so  we'll see how that goes ;) Who knows, maybe I'll end up doing it everyday for an entire year. I do have some goals for this year too, I want to grow in my relationship with God, I want to be a better wife/mother, I want mine and Lamar's relationship to grow stronger, I definitely want to blog more too, and I'm sure that I'll add a few more goals here and there. I'm just excited to see what God has in store for me this year, I know there will be lots of changes, especially with a baby coming in March. I'm just excited for the new year and what it's going to bring.

Emotions Are Running High

  First off I want to say that I'm so excited that I'm pregnant so please don't hear me say that I'm not because I'm about to vent for a bit. Second, I do not like all of these emotions. I feel like I've been way more emotional this time around then I was with the other 2. It's just frustrating because I can cry at the drop of a hat for no reason at all, ugh sometimes being a girl sucks. I just want to feel normal again, I want to be skinny and be able to bend over and tie my shoes, I want to be able to walk up the stairs without feeling like I'm going to have an asthma attack, I want to be able to run again(I miss running so, so much) I want to be able to sleep on my stomach again, and I'm sure there's so much more. But like I said I am excited that I'm pregnant it's just that I've hit my irritable point in my pregnancy and I'm tired of all the emotions. I know when "Max" gets here it will be all worth it, I just wish I would be due in 1 month instead of 3. Oh well, I know he'll be worth the wait.
  On an unrelated pregnancy issue, I'm so not looking forward to Lamar being gone in 2 weeks. Maybe that's part of the "emotional issue" It's just that he's been home pretty much the whole month of December and it's been great and I just got used to him being around all the time. I know he's going to be gone a lot in January and I just hate it. It just makes the days and nights so long but I know we'll get back into a routine and it'll be fine, it always is. I guess I need to stop thinking about it so much because he is home now and I need to enjoy it. Anyway, that's enough venting and complaining :/

Post Birthday Blues

 So it's the day after my birthday and I realized last night that I really don't like this day. You wait 365 days to celebrate a day that's all about you, and you can do whatever you want(well most of the time) get lots of birthday wishes, gifts, and of course cake. But the day after...it just goes back to normal and then you start the countdown to your next birthday and hope that it's better then the one you had before. Now don't get me wrong, I had a good day yesterday. Lamar made sure that it was extra special for me and I love that he did that, he's a pretty amazing husband. I guess it makes it worth waiting for the next birthday :)
  When I went to bed last night I was reflecting over the last year or few years and I realized that I'm now 33 years old and I have accomplished nothing. How sad is that???? I feel like I've just let my life pass me by and I've really done nothing with it. I mean is this really what the rest of my life is going to be like, just being a stay at home mom, making sure the laundry is done, kids are fed, house is clean, etc. I guess if that's all I'm called to do then I need to embrace it and do it the best way that I know how. It's just I never thought that this is ALL I would be doing. I always thought that God had bigger plans for me and maybe He does and He just hasn't revealed them to me yet. So I will continue to be the best mom/wife/friend that I know how to be and if God has something more for me then I know God will reveal that to me when the time is right.

Hello Again

 So I have been thinking about getting back to blogging again and I realized that I haven't blogged since April. Wow, that's a long time. Clearly I didn't do a very good job of blogging this year but I'm going to try to get back into it. So much has happened since April I really don't know where to begin. I guess I can start with the most exciting thing that has happened this year, of course if anyone out there still reads this then you already know but we are having our 3rd baby in March. I'm so excited to be doing the whole baby thing again, yes it's going to be hard but I know that I'll have 3 wonderful helpers and I'm very excited about it. I have to say that this has definitely not been an easy pregnancy but so far I've made it, only 15 weeks to go :) I just get so tired so easily and I can't do everything that I used to do but I can make the sacrifice to keep this little guy healthy. The kids are so excited about their baby brother too, they've actually nicknamed him "Max." Hmm what else is going on???? Well we're in the middle of the holiday season and it's just a crazy time of year, I love Christmas time but sometimes I wish things would just slow down a bit so we can enjoy it a little more and not have so many things going on all at one time. I guess the older we get the busier it gets and the quicker the holiday season goes by. Gosh, that's something my mom would say ;) man I am getting old :)

Not so Joyful

  So I know I said that my goal this year was to post about things that bring me joy, well that will not be the case with this post. I'm just having one of "those" days and I process things so much better when I write them out or talk about them, I'm hoping that since it's been so long since I've posted anything that people will actually forget that I have this blog. Anyway, lately I've really been struggling with being a stay at home mom. I guess I never expected to be a SAHM or at least not full time. I've always had a job, whether it's been full or part time and I actually felt like I was contributing to something and now....well I feel like I do nothing but laundry, clean, feed the kids, take Peyton to and from school, etc. I know there are women out there that would do anything to be a SAHM but I'm just really struggling with that fact that's all I do and it's what I am. I feel totally worthless because I'm NOT bringing in any funds of any kind and honestly, things are tight financially right now so it would be great if I could contribute somehow. I just hate feeling this way and I know that it would be hard for me to have a job right now because Lamar travels and we never really know what his schedule is until the week before so me having a job just doesn't seem to be in the cards right now and I just need to be ok with it. I just hate the feeling of being useless and not contributing to anything. Oh well, I know that I'm here and doing the things I'm doing for a reason but sometimes it's just hard to see the bigger picture.

   So the last week or so it hit me that I don't have this precious little baby anymore, Lauren is growing up to be such a little lady and honestly it's hit me harder then I thought it ever would. I was always that mom that couldn't wait until my kids could sit up, stand, walk, talk, etc. Well now, I want all those moments back, well most of those moments ;)  I registered Lauren for kindergarten last week and I had to choke back the tears and now today she does her own hair, I know I know, she does her own hair, no big deal right???? I guess it can be one little thing that hits you and makes you realize that she's growing up. I never thought I would have such a hard time with her growing up, but it's definitely harder then I thought it would be.  I know I can't keep her from going to school or anything like that but I know the day I drop her off, there will be lots of tears. I'm not sure what I'll do with all my free time when school starts this fall, I guess the good thing is that she'll only be in kindergarten for a half day instead of a full day. It's just hard to think about because she's with me 24/7, if I have to run to the store she's with me, if I have a coffee/lunch date she's with me, she's my little sidekick and in a few short months, my sidekick will be in school. I know I'll be ok when that day comes but right now I just want to make the best of all these moments.

Ok so I know I've been HORRIBLE about keeping up with my blog but sometimes a girl just gets busy.....either that or she forgets that she actually has a blog ;) Anyway, so if you read my last post this blog is going to be all about joy this year. I mean who can't use a little more joy in their life and I'm just going to share a few things that bring lots of joy in my life. These 3 people bring the most joy to me. I mean who wouldn't love these faces. I am just beyond blessed, I never thought that I could be this lucky. I have an amazing

husband who loves me just as I am and 2 great kids. Peyton is a special little guy, he reminds me so much of my brother Wendall(he died when I was 15 yrs. old) the way he looks, acts, and just everything about him reminds me of Wendall. He has such a caring, sweet spirit, he has got the most ornary(sp)  grin that I've ever seen and when you see it you can't help but smile. And then there's Lauren, I'm not exactly where to start with her, she's such a free spirit and she's always ready to have a good time, and yes she's only 4 so watch out world because Lauren is ready to laugh, smile, and just have a party. I think my favorite thing she does right now is when she gets up in the morning she immediately gives me a huge hug and she'll continue to give me hugs randomly throughout the day if she thinks I haven't had enough of them. She's always smiling when she wakes up, that is so not like me at all, and she loves to snuggle. These 3 people are the best blessings I have in my life and I thank God for them everyday.
 P.S. I promise this blog won't always be this cheesy :)