So as I sit hear trying to figure out what to blog about, I've decided that I'm going to blog about something that I've been struggling with lately, don't worry it's nothing to horrible ;) Well basically with everything that's going on in  the world, earthquakes, tsunami's(sp) and all this stuff it's very obvious that the end times are near. Now of course, it could still be another 20 years before God returns or it could be 20min. and my thing is am I actually ready for when He returns. Have I done enough and lived my life for Him? Have I given myself fully and completely over to Him? Or have I just not done enough because I really don't want to be left behind. I want God to look at me and say "well done my good and faithful servant." I just don't want to live in fear or be fearful of the unknown. I know that satan is just trying to come in and discourage me and make me question my christianity and I hate that I allow him to discourage me so that's when I just need some extra prayer. In my heart I do know where I'm going, I think it's just all the uncertainity of everything that's going on and  I just don't like uncertainity, just tell me what's going to happen and I'll be good ;) Although I know it doesn't work that way. I think maybe I have to much time on my hands and my mind just wanders, I think I need a hobby. Sometimes I wish I could just shut my mind off. Anyway, so that's what's on my mind today sorry for being such a "debbie downer"

Getting Adjusted

   So it's day 4 since we've moved and everyone seems to be adjusting just fine, and yes that includes me. It seems so weird because I'm not as emotional as I thought I would be. Yeah Sunday and Monday was really hard but other then that it hasn't been to hard for me, of course now that I say that I'll probably get slapped in the face with a flood of emotions. I also realized that I think I'm ok being by myself, now of course I miss my friends and I can't wait to make new ones but I really do feel ok being here by myself.....we'll see what I say next week about being by myself ;) Gosh I sound like I'm bi-polar. I've also realized to depend on Lamar a lot more, not sure if how he feels about that....haha j/k Right now I don't really have anyone else to go to but Lamar and I think it's a good thing, of course I don't want to be that weird couple that we never hang out with other people and we're always together....etc I just like the fact that we've gotten a lot closer :)

The New House

   Today I decided to post pictures of the house because as much as I would LOVE for all my friends to come and see my, I know that won't happen and that's ok. So anyway, I just wanted to post some pics so at least they could see where we're living now. I did realize that the house needs some serious color, the only room in the house that has color is the kitchen and that's an ugly mauve-burgandy-reddish color and it's just really ugly. So of course I'm ready to paint but that's going to have to wait since the cash flow is a little low but I don't mind waiting because I do honestly love the house. I have to say that I think the ugliest room in the house is the guest room, sorry Amy & Eric, it has nasty green carpet with white panel walls and well it's just ugly. Unfortunately that room won't get done right away, I want to get everything upstairs painted first. Sorry about the rambling on and on about the house I just don't have much else to say.

Trying to find joy

  So today wasn't too bad, I finished unpacking my stuff in the bedroom and Lamar is finishing up stuff in his office so we are pretty well unpacked, I love that feeling. Now I'm kind of at a loss as what to do, I think I can only last about 1 week with not a whole lot to do but after that I will be going crazy. Anyway, so Carolyn called me today just to see how things were going and all that good stuff, I did have to fight back the tears as I was talking to her, it just seems so surreal that I'm here and all my peeps are 2 hrs. away. But anyway, after I got off the phone with Carolyn I was just thinking that I really need to find some joy because right now I feel like I don't have any joy at all. I want to be joyful no matter where I'm at and God has given Lamar and I this amazing opportunity and I don't want to let it get away from me. I know it's only been a few days since we've moved and yes, it's going to take a little bit to adjust but I want to also enjoy these first moments that we have here too and not continuously wish that I was back at home in Arthur. I just have to keep telling myself that this will get easier and yes, I will find friends to hang out with. I'll find ladies to have coffee with and go shopping with but until then, I will try to convince Lamar to sit and have coffee with me in the morning, even though he hates coffee. It's just hard for me to put myself out there and ask someone that I don't know that well if they want to come over for dinner or coffee or just to hang out but I know that's what I have to do if I want to make new friends. I am looking forward to going home in 2 weeks, that weekend can't come quick enough for me.

Saying Goodbye

  Well we are all alone, just Lamar, myself, and the kids and I'm not going to lie, it's really hard right now. I was doing so good and then Angie left and I realized none of our friends and family is with us anymore :( I really want to be strong but right now, I just can't I feel like I just have to let it all out. This is the most difficult thing I've ever done, I've never lived away from my friends and family and yes it's going to take some getting used to. I know I'll get used to it but it's going to take some time. I did have a little surprise this afternoon, Drew, Heather, and Heidi stopped in, I was so excited to see them. They brought us some wine so of course we had to have a little toast to the new house :) So that was the high-light of my day. So I'm done for right now, I feel like such a debbie downer so I guess I'll say goodbye until tomorrow.

We have officially moved

Well we are finally all moved in and pretty well unpacked. Apparently Lamar and I had way more clothes then I thought so yeah we are definitely going to have to get more dressers. I can't wait to start decorating and painting and all the good stuff, so hopefully we will sell our house soon so we can start decorating a lot quicker ;) I am so thankful for everyone who came to help, they rocked. Now I'm ready to put my feet up and relax, so I'm saying goodnight all :)

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    We found out last night that some of the people that are moving to Peoria with us sold their house, now I tried really hard to fight back the tears but I couldn't fight it. I wanted to be happy for them but at the same time I was a bit angry too because they didn't have their house on the market that long, we've had ours on the market since last summer. I cried out to God why haven't we sold our house, are we really not supposed to be going to Peoria? Are we doing the right thing? I just have to keep telling myself that there's a reason why we haven't sold the house, I just wish I knew what that reason is. Will we sell our house? I have no idea and I know I've said this before but at least we have the option to rent it out. I'm not going to stop praying that we sell the house, if anything I'm going to pray more. I know God has His hand all over this situation and I just need to remember that. Well today is the day before we move, yes I'm a bit stressed but I'm feeling a bit better. I was finishing up some of the packing this morning and I was just feeling sad and just wanting to go back to bed. Anyway, so all of the sudden my mood just changed and I felt so so much better. I totally believe at that moment someone was lifting me up in prayer and that is such an amazing feeling. Yeah I'm still feeling a bit overwhelmed and stressed but I feel like I can do this now and it's all going to be ok. I'm starting to get really excited about this move, this is a big adventure for us and I'm excited to see what's out there. Arthur will always be my home but right now, I will not miss it at all, I'll just miss all the wonderful friends that live here.