Loneliness

  Well today is just one of those days and maybe it's because it's so dark and dreary out and I am in need of some serious sun. I'm just feeling really lonely today so sorry for being a debbie downer but that's just where I'm at. I just hate this feeling, I don't think that I've actually ever experienced true loneliness until now. I've always been surrounded by my family and friends and now I'm not. Yeah I've made some new friends but we're not that close and yes, I have Lamar and the kids but still it's not the same as before. As I'm writing this it just makes me want to pack up everything and move back, of course I know I can't do that. I don't really miss living in Arthur at all but I just miss all my friends, I honestly didn't think it would be this hard for me. I guess I didn't realize how much I relied on everyone until now, now I get to rely on myself/God/Lamar, not that I didn't before I just have to rely on them a lot more now. I know that things will get better but right now, this is where I'm at and it just hurts. I just miss everyone so much and I miss the way things used to be and yes, I need to get over it and move on because this is where my life is now, it's here in Morton/Peoria and not in Arthur. I really am trying to be strong in this situation but sometimes I have to just have my moments and I know that's ok too, I just can't stay in those moments for too long.