Am I Really Doing This????

  So this is day 2, so far I've kept going with my blog and yes I know it's only been 2 days but hey, that's good for me ;) Anyway I was trying to decide what to blog about tonight and I decided I'm just going to reflect on the past 2 years. I have to say that 2009-2010 was not a good  2 years for me, it was the most difficult 2 years of my life, something happened that I never thought in a million years would happen. My sister, the one person who I really looked up to and wanted to be just like totally let me down, she had an affair and got a divorce. How did I deal with this????? Not very well, these last 2 years have been one big emotional roller coaster, I've cried so many tears that I'm pretty sure we could have another ocean, but from this terrible experience I've also grown so much. I've become so much closer to my other sister Angie, which I have to give a shout out too because she's been such a great big sister and I love her to pieces, and it's brought me and Lamar a lot closer also. Don't get me wrong, I still hate what happened but on one hand I'm thankful for what happened. I know that sounds weird but unfortunately I was walking down the same path that Lisa was taking but she took that step and I didn't. It's the selfish part in me that is thankful that she did it and not me but yet, when I look back could I have actually done it, no I really don't think I could have. As I'm reflecting over the past 2 years I have to say that I'm definitely not the same person today as I was back then, I've grown so much and not just in my relationship with God but also in my realtionship with Lamar, which by the way is the most amazing husband ever ;) I've become my own person that has her own opinions and I don't live under anyone else's shadow anymore. I'm happy with who I am and who I've become but I don't want to stop there, I want to keep growing I don't want to be the average wife/mother/daughter, I want to be so much more.