What Are We Really Doing This For?

  Last night we had VLT(vineyard leadership training) at church. It's always good to get together with all the other leaders and get some good prayer time. Well VLT is usually pretty emotional for me, not sure why but it just is. This week is just full of questions and wanting answers and basically what are we supposed to do now. Anyway, during worship time I was just really praying and crying out to God for some answers about the house(btw, sorry I keep talking about the move and the house, I promise it'll stop sometime soon ;) ) and I felt like God told me that I'm afraid for Him to show me what He can do. Or course I had to argue with God(which it doesn't work to argue with God because He always wins) about that first but then after I realized that it was true I was kind of shocked. I mean I know that God can do amazing things but I was shocked that I was actually scared for Him to show me what He can do. So during ministry time I went up for prayer and a couple of ladies prayed for me and one of them said that while she was praying she just kept getting the word reluctance and I just couldn't stop crying. She hit the nail on the head, I feel like for so long that I've prayed for things and nothing has happened so I put up a wall between God and myself. Or I just kind of pray half-heartedly, I wasn't praying with expectancy. I'm still working on praying with expectancy, I wish it was an overnight fix but unfortunately it's not. I know that God answers prayers in his own time but, i've said this before, it's so hard to just sit back and wait. So on the way home from VLT Lamar and I were talking and he asked me how my prayer time went and I told him that it went really well. I also mentioned that sometimes when I'm crying out to God, it's almost like an inner battle. I'm asking God for answers or praying about something specific and then all of the sudden doubt comes flooding in and I'm having this "argument" with myself, God, and doubt, now that would be an interesting picture to see ;) He went on to tell me that he feels like he's lost focus of why we're actually moving to Peoria. I totally agree with that, I mean, we're moving to Peoria to further His kingdom. And right now it's all about the house and schools. So I guess we need to refocus on why we're doing this and get back on track with what God asked us to do.